The Countertop Chronicles

For Chris Byrne

22 Acacia Avenue

If you’re feeling down depressed and lonely
I know a place where we can go
22 Acacia Avenue meet a lady that I know
So if you’re looking for a good time
And you’re prepared to pay the price
Fifteen quid is all she asks for
Everybody’s got their vice

If you’re waiting for a long time for the rest to do their piece
You can tell her that you know me and you might even get it free
So any time you’re down the East End don’t you hesitate to go
You can take my honest word for it she’ll teach you more than you can know

Charlotte can’t you get out from all this madness
Can’t you see it only brings you sadness
When you entertain your men don’t know the risk of getting disease

Some day when you’re reaching the age of forty
I bet you’ll regret the days when you were laying
Nobody then will want to know
You won’t have any beautiful wares to show any more

22, the avenue that’s the place where we all go
You will find it’s warm inside the red light’s burning bright tonight

Charlotte isn’t it time you stopped this mad life
Don’t you ever think about the bad times
Why do you have to live this way
Do you enjoy your lay or is it the pay

Sometimes when your strolling down the avenue
The way you walk it make men think of having you
When you’re walking down the street
Everybody stops and turns to stare at you

Beat her mistreat her do anything that you please
Bite her excite her make her get down on her knees
Abuse her misuse her she can take all that you’ve got
Caress her molest her she always does what you want

You’re running away don’t you know what you’re doing
Can’t you see it’ll lead you to ruin
Charlotte you’ve taken your life and you’ve thrown it away
You believe that because what you’re earning
Your life’s good don’t you know that you’re hurting
All the people that love you don’t cast them aside
All the men that are constantly drooling
It’s no life for you stop all that screwing
You’re packing your bags and you’re coming with me

Sure, gas is just hitting $4 a gallon here in Northern Virginia (actually, I filled up for $3.79 yesterday) but I’m not that worried. Even with an SUV. I suspect things will be tight this summer, as speculators run rampant (blame the press) but as with everything market related the laws of supply and demand will hold true again and you can bet that price will begin to creep down as American’s conserve less and can justify, economically, more efficient vehicles.

Me, I’m gonna keep driving my 1996 Grand Cherokee. One, its paid for. Two, it only has 110,000 miles on it. And three, I boosted its fuel efficiency 20% this week, going from a paltry 18.5 mpg to 24.5 mpg - or about $15 per fill up. Now thats real money (and will help buy me some eggs and milk)

How? Well, Glen linked to this story on Fuel Efficiency tips and I simply took the first it to heart. I set the on board display to show current mileage and knowing I got about 18.5 mpg with it generally tried to drive at a pace that stayed above that.

Here’s the top 4 tips I followed:

1. Track Your Mileage in Real Time
2. Only Brake When You Have to
3. Always Stay Alert on the Road
4. Drive Like You’re on a Bike

It wasn’t too hard. A couple of things - I never went over 60 miles per hour (that seemed to be the magic threshold where mileage really dropped off. Thats ok, 60 is plenty fast where I was driving. I suspect on the highway, if I got up to cruising speeds, it would handle it too). I also slowed down slowly, trying to conserve momentum, and when I was at a traffic light, I accelerated slowly. Thats it. I didn’t even resort to the old standby of putting the car in neutral to coast down big hills.

I’ll try that next week.

God Bless America (NSFW)

Ever

I just wish I had the balls to leave something like this

Dupree’s Diamond Blues
Lyrics by Robert Hunter

When I was just a little young boy,
Papa said “Son, you’ll never get far,
I’ll tell you the reason if you want to know,
’cause child of mine, there isn’t really very far to go”

Well baby, baby wants a gold diamond ring
Wants it more than most any old thing
Well when I get those jelly roll blues
Why I’d go and get anything in this world for you.

Down to the jewelry store packing a gun,
says “Wrap it up. I think I’ll take this one”
“A thousand dollars please,” the jewelry man said
Dupree he said, “I’ll pay this one off to you in lead”

Well you know son you just can’t figure,
first thing you know you’re gonna pull that trigger
and it’s no wonder your reason goes bad -
jelly roll will drive you stone mad

Judge said “Son, this gonna cost you some time”
Dupree said “Judge, you know that crossed my mind”
Judge said “Fact it’s gonna cost you your life”
Dupree said “Judge, you know that seems to me to be about right”

Well baby, baby’s gonna lose her sweet man
Dupree come out with a losing hand
Baby’s gonna weep it up for awhile
then go on out and find another sweet man’s
gonna treat her with style

Judge said “Son, I know your baby well
but that’s a secret I can’t never tell”
Dupree said “Judge, well it’s well understood,
and you got to admit that that sweet, sweet jelly’s so good”

Well you know son you just can’t figure,
first thing you know you’re gonna pull that trigger
and it’s no wonder your reason goes bad,
jelly roll will drive you stone mad

Same old story and I know it’s been told,
some like jelly jelly - some like gold
Many a man’s done a terrible thing
just to get baby that shiny diamond ring.

Couldn’t find a video of the Dead doing it, so here’s Bela Fleck and the Waybacks jamming on it at the Merlefest

And here’s the Dead’s version off of Aoxomoxoa

Speaking of which, Rolling Stone proclaimed the cover of Aoxomoxoa to be one of the top ten rock and roll album covers ever.

I’m more intrigued, as dare I would say most folks these days, by the back cover.

That little girl in the shawl . . . . Courtney Love. I shit you not (her Dad was one of the Dead’s managers).

1. What is your occupation? I’m a lawyer and a lobbyist. More of a lobbyist than a lawyer these days, but I do have 4 cases currently pending. Does that make me the most evil person in America?? If you knew who I represented. . . .it might (here’s a hint - its no the tobbacco companies - but at one point or another, I’ve represented every other member of the extended axis of death in the movie Thank You For Smoking (which is fantastic by the way)

2. What color are your socks right now? what socks??

3. What are you listening to right now? My dog playing with a squeeky toy and my son making a fort out of clothing storage boxes.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Pancakes and bacon. Breakfast for dinner. Mmmm

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Of course

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My wife. She took our oldest to the beach today, while I took Rex the dog and the youngest down south to meet with a trainer and work him on some pigeons.

7. Do you like the person who tagged you? I wasn’t tagged, but everyone’s favorite dead head - zoombababoobapsilocimbeembadoom did it, and I thought why not I. besides, no one ever tags me on these kind of things.8. How old are you today? ageless

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? On tv or in person??? In person, baseball. On TV, football.

10. What is your favorite drink? water, grapefruit juice, bourbon, coffee, Dr. Pepper

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Nope

12. Last time you hugged your child? 5 minutes ago

13. Favorite food? Lobster, real pizza (NY) eggplant parmigiana, bacon, apple jacks

14. What was the last movie you watched? Clash of the Titans (last night with my oldest son)

15. Favorite day of the year? Any day during the weeks leading up to Christmas (though I don’t particularlly care for Christmas itself, probably because its the realizatino that I need to wait another year for the season to arrive (and the fact that these days stores drop the Christmas stuff on Christmas Eve and you walk into the mall on December 26th and its all lovey dovey valentines day. Yuch!

16. How do you vent anger? I masturbate

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? John, my stuffed dog. Or my GI Joes.

18. What is your favorite season? Fall

19. Ocean or pool? pool

20. Cherries or Blueberries? blueberries

21. Do you want your family & friends to participate? huh??

22. Who is the most likely to respond? huh??

24. Living arrangements? wife kids and dog

25. When was the last time you cried? When my dog died in February

26. What is on the floor of your closet? Carpet, shoes

27. Who is the family or friend you have known the longest that you are tagging? I’m not tagging anyone

28. What did you do last night? Put a scope of my rifle, loaded some ammo, tuned my son’s bike, made love to my wife,

29. Hawaii or Florida? Neither. Colorado

30. What inspires you? My kids

31. What are you most afraid of? Something horrible happening to my children.

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? cheddar bacon, thank you. Mmmmmmm…… baaaaaaaaaa-connnn [drooooooooooooool……]

33. Favorite dog breed? I like BLACK America Field Style labrador retrievers. Other than that, I’m a big fan of German Short haired Pointer

34. Favorite day of the week? Friday

35 How many states have you lived in?

1) New Jersey
2) Tennessee
3) Rhode Island
4) Vermont
5) D.C. (not a state)
6) Virginia

I also lived in London England for a year

36 Do you like these questionnaires? sometimes

37. What kind of car did your very first date drive? Well, my first date happened when I was in 6th grade, and neither of us had a car then and well, by the time we were 17 and able to drive - I had no idea where she was living. But at that point I had a Mercedes 240d and the first girl I dated who actually had a car had a Toyota sedan. Back seat was big enough.

38. What is the last book you read? Carbon Finance

I’m also reading a bunch of dog training books, but those are going step by step

39. What are your hobbies? Politics, guns, dogs,hiking, kayaking, biking, kids, going to baseball games, having sex.

40. Can you still make the Hula Hoop stay around your waist? I have no idea. Dont know when the last time I hula hooped was .

Rex’s training has been continuing. At 5 months he’s mastered obedience and the basic commands (sit, stay, come, heel, go git it (instead of fetch), and release). He retrieves to my hand, and releases on command. He will sit on either verbal or whistle command, in any situation and from any distance from me, and stay until I command him. He is well on his way to earning his JH title and achieving the legacy of his father and grandfather (a 10,000 point Grand Champion Hunter).

As the weather improves, and he grows, we will begin upland training, hand signals, and blind and multiple retrieves. The one concern I have, living in the suburbs of DC, is that I can’t keep a steady supply of birds on hand. Also, as we move onto more advanced training skills, I simply don’t have the time to work with him. As a result, he will be sent away for finishing this summer. I was thinking of sending him back to his breeder but was convinced by a friend to look at another trainer outside of Richmond. We will spend most of tomorrow there, introducing him to the new trainer and playing with live birds.

Right now it looks like he will spend 2 weeks (last week of June, first week of July) and then the entire month of August in training. Dove season, and early resident goose, arrive the first week of September.

But thats all secondary to what transpired today. Rex is a lab. As such, most people think he’d be a natural waterdog. And indeed he appears to be - but he still needed an introduction to water. He received his first introduction earlier this year, as a young puppy during the warm spell in January (he was also introduced to gun shots and birds at the time). We’ve been pretty good to keep him near water, but like many dogs, while he was thrilled to play at waters edge, he wouldn’t go deep than he could stand.

Today, I took him to Roosevelt Island again. There is a beach on the North West edge, directly across from Georgetown. We were playing retrieve on the beach and I was throwing the ball progressively further out. Rex was soaked and loving it, but wouldn’t go all the way out and swim. Finally, after 30 minutes I threw the ball too far for him. So I walked out and got it.

Water was COLD!!!!!!!!!!

But he followed me out part way and when he saw I could stand, came a bit more. I decided to grab him, and with him kicking and shaking, held him up and allowed him to kick until he figured out how his feet were working. Within minutes the light turned on and he was a swimming machine. He grabbed the dummy and began swimming all around me. We continued back to the shore and then I launched the dummy out about 50 yards. He dove straight in, swam directly out and immediately returned it, delivering to hand before shaking off.

Excellent!!

Way to go Rex!!!!

Xavier has a great post about fat dogs

If you own a dog, and your dog is fat, take a look at yourself. You are in total control of it’s diet. Use a measuring cup or a tin can to dole out the kibbles, and cut back on the amount. Send the table scraps down the garbage disposal. If your dog is fat, it’s because you feed him to damned much. He doesn’t need dope. You need to stop being one.

Couldn’t agree more. I hate fat dogs, and I hate fat dog owners even more. Its cruel to do to a helpless animal who is fully dependent on you and whats more its gonna cost you a ton down the road as your dog fights all manner of health problems. Plus, don’t you want a dog who can play with you???

If you don’t know whether your dog is fat or not, I’d recommend you check out the Purina Body Condition System (see chart to the left)

1. EMACIATED
Ribs, lumbar vertebrae, pelvic bones and all bony prominences evident form a distance. No discernable body fat. Obvious loss of muscle mass.
2. VERY THIN
Ribs, lumbar vertebrae and pelvic bones easily visible. No palpable fat. Some evidence of other bony prominence. Minimal loss of muscle mass
3. THIN
Ribs easily palpated and may be visible with no palpable fat. Tops of lumbar vertebrae visible. Pelvic bones becoming prominent. Obvious waist and abdominal tuck
4. UNDERWEIGHT
Ribs easily palpable, with minimal fat covering. Waist easily noted, viewed form above. Abdominal tuck evident.
5. IDEAL
Ribs palpable without excess fat covering. Waist observed behind ribs when viewed from above. Abdomen tucked when viewed from the side.
6. OVERWEIGHT
Ribs palpable with slight excess fat covering. Waist is discernable viewed from above but is not prominent. Abdominal tuck apparent.
7. HEAVY
Ribs palpable with difficulty, heavy fat cover. Noticeable fat deposits over lumbar area and base of tail. Waist absent or barely visible. Abdominal tuck may be absent.
8. OBESE
Ribs not palpable under heavy fat cover, or palpable only with significant pressure. Heavy fat deposits over lumbar area and base of tail. Waist absent. No abdominal tuck. Obvious abdominal distension may be present.
9. GROSSLY OBESE

Rex is a very active 5 month old black lab puppy. We keep him somewhere between 3 and 4. He will fill out as he ages, but for a puppy, thats ideal.

Between my wife and I he walks at least 2-3 miles a day, exclusive of training and fetch. He’s fed 1 3/4 cups of Purina Pro Plan in the morning and 1 1/4 cups at night plus some supplements. He gets plenty of water - as much as he wants. We have never fed him table food, indeed he goes into the crate when we eat. However, he’s starting to pick up the taste for people food thanks to my youngest who enjoys throwing food on the ground. Its a struggle, but we generally control his intake enough that I don’t think it amounts to more than if we gave him the occaisional doggie treat.

Doggie Treats are something else. I don’t do them (though my wife does). I think they lead to disobedient dogs, not to mention fat dogs. My dogs are trained to respond to my praise. Rex has never been, and never will be, rewarded for good behavior with a treat. A well trained dog should be satisfied by doing the job his master demands, and if anything his reward is further attention and more play.

Don’t know where they got this

According to Michele Foster, InStadium’s head of marketing, people go to the john an average of 2.3 times per game (we didn’t ask about the .3 times). They’ll look at ads for at least 90 seconds, longer if there’s a line, she says.

I’ve been to 5 games at the new Nationals Ball Park, and over the last 4 years have attended an average of 25 games a season. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve taken a leak at either RFK or the new stadium

New Potato Caboose
Lyrics by Robert Petersen, music by Phil Lesh

Last leaf fallen;
Bare earth where green was born.
Black Madonna, two eagles hang against a cloud.

Sun comes up blood red;
Wind yells among the stone.
All graceful instruments are known.

When the windows all are broken
and your love’s become a toothless crone,
when the voices of the storm sound like a crowd,
winter morning breaks;
you’re all alone.

The eyes are blind,
blue visions are all a seer can own
And touching makes the flesh to cry out loud.
This ground on which the seed of love is sown.
All graceful instruments are known.

Alligator
Words by Robert Hunter and Ron McKernan

Sleepy alligator in the noonday sun
Sleepin by the river just like he usually done
Call for his whisky
He can call for his tea
Call all he wanta but he
can’t call me

Oh no
I been there before
and I’m not comin back around
there no more

Creepy alligator comin all around the bend
Talkin bout the times when we was mutual friends
I check my mem’ry
I check it quick yes I will
I check it runnin
some old kind of trick

Oh no well I
been there before
and I ain’t a comin back around
there no more
no I’m not

hung up waitin’ for a windy day
Hung up waitin for a windy day
Tear down the Fillmore,
Gas the Avalon

Ridin down the river in an old canoe
a bunch of bugs and an old tennis shoe
out of the river all ugly and green
the biggest old alligator that I’ve ever seen
teeth big and pointed and his eyes were buggin out
contact the union, put the beggars to route
screamin and yellin and lickin his chops
he never runs he just stumbles and hops
just out of prison on six dollars bail
mumblin at bitches and waggin his tail

Alligator runnin round my door (4x)

Alligator creepin round the corner of my cabin door
He’s comin round to bother me some more

Ya’ll will recall that upon that memorable Bag Day I alluded to something thats long escaped my collection

but then . . . . stumbled on something else which I don’t want to disclose yet . . . . for fear it will pass me by before I can grab it as mine. more on that later.

At the time, I posted simply a bit about its caliber

In my opinion the 280 Remington has all the advantages of the 270 Winchester and the 30-06 Springfield, incorporating the flat trajectory of the 270 with the power of the 30-06. Being 7mm not only gives the 280 Remington more bullet choices than the 25-06 Remington or the 270 Winchester, but greater range in weights of bullets plus a larger frontal diameter. Which lends to better performance on game larger and heavier than the White-tailed deer. It is also kinder to the shoulder than the 30-06 or 7mm Remington Magnum when fired in a comparable weight rifle. The 280’s real world performance is equal to that of the 7mm Remington Magnum (with 140 to 150-grain bullets).

Indeed, no less an authority than David Petzal wrote fondly of his Mountain Rifle in .280 Remington

Name games aside, the .280 is one of the top cartridges for North American hunting. It ranks right alongside the .30/06 in general usefulness. If you have one, you can take anything except the big bears, and do it handily. One of the two or three biggest elk I’ve ever seen–a true 1,000-pound monster–was killed dead in his tracks by one shot from a .280. You can think of it as a 7mm magnum but without the added powder, recoil, and muzzle blast.

Craig Boddington published a pretty extensive and hearty approval of it, when he included it in his batch of Sensible Sevens

.280 Remington
While the 7mm-08 is a perfect fit in a short action, its big brother, the .280 Remington, is a perfect fit in a standard-length action. Based on the .30-06 case (with the shoulder moved forward, not a simple necking-down), the .280 is actually an old-timer, going all the way back to 1957.

Although it has a small but outspoken following that borders on cult status (led by none other than Outdoor Life’s Jim Carmichel), I can’t for the life of me figure out why it isn’t more popular than it is. Arguably, it’s a better cartridge than either the .270 Winchester or .30-06, combining the flat trajectory of the former with the heavier bullets of the latter;all aided by the inherent advantages of .284 bullets.

I reckon it a better cartridge than the much more popular 7mm Remington Magnum. Factory loads are almost as fast, with 140-grain loads from 2,990 to 3,110 fps and 160-grain loads at 2,890 fps. With handloads, it will give the 7mm Remington Magnum a run for its money, and it’ll burn less powder and eat up a lot less space in the magazine box.

Part of the problem with the .280, I think, is its checkered history. Originally designed for the Model 742 Remington semiauto, its original loads were mild. In 1979 Remington had the brainstorm of reenergizing it with faster loads and renaming it the 7mm Express. This confused everyone so much that after a short time it became the good old .280 Remington again. There are plenty of factory loads today, but it’s another cartridge that can benefit from hand loading.

I have owned only one .280 Remington, so as much as I admire it, I guess I’m not a real fan. I used it for pronghorn, deer and sheep, and, of course, it worked wonderfully. Come to think of it, I haven’t owned but a small handful of all three of these light sevens together. But they’ve accounted for a pile of game.

What sealed the deal, though it took some time to actually get it, was Kim du Toit’s recommendation to me

The .280 Rem is an absolute peach, the only knock being that it’s less common (and therefore more spendy) than the 270 Win.

I saw a video of a guy shooting a moose with one, at about 350 yards. First shot anchored the thing, second one took it straight down. When they looked at the hide, the two bullet holes were within an inch of each other. The guide admitted that he thought the shooter had missed with the first one, but the shooter said: “Nope — I saw the dust fly off the hide.”

In other words, little enough recoil that he could re-acquire the target in the scope before the bullet struck.

But what I didn’t reveal was the firearm itself

David has a post up about comments I left at Sebastian’s.

I’m exhausted right now, with a pounding headache, but will address my concerns and try to respond to his post in more detail later (probably Friday as I don’t see me getting more than a few minutes to sit down and draft anything between now and then)

Why not visit me here

Why not visit me here

Why not visit me here